Reed Richards is an Ass-hole

rupaulsdragracefuckedupdrag: rupaulsdragracefuckedupdrag: I’m so despacito I’m literally going on...

Tue, 26 Jun 2018 05:30:51 -0400

rupaulsdragracefuckedupdrag:

I’m so despacito I’m literally going on omegle for friends

my phone autocorrected desperate to despacito I love this timeline

peyday5000: Hellye

Tue, 26 Jun 2018 05:30:47 -0400

peyday5000:

Hellye

prepsasuke: prepsasuke: wild how the greatest story ever told was written by a woman i am, of...

Tue, 26 Jun 2018 05:30:41 -0400

prepsasuke:

prepsasuke:

wild how the greatest story ever told was written by a woman

i am, of course, referring to fullmetal alchemist

tom-hiddlebum: the japanese dub of ragnarok is one of my...

Mon, 25 Jun 2018 19:04:06 -0400

tom-hiddlebum:

the japanese dub of ragnarok is one of my favorite things

unnatural-twenty: mad-duck: watercolor-gryphon: tyrannosaurus-rex: the-itchy-bitchy-spider: rolli...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 21:35:26 -0400

unnatural-twenty:

mad-duck:

watercolor-gryphon:

tyrannosaurus-rex:

the-itchy-bitchy-spider:

rollinbylimpbizkit:

hamtastrophe:

it’s sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there’s no non-fucked up part of rasputin’s existence

did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia’s greatest love machine

basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shows up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he’s a prophet or a saint because he’s got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia’s queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son’s haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, ‘cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now (allegedly) belongs to.

then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, because ~~all of russia is slutshaming the queen~~ he has too much power over the royal family and it’s helping revolutionaries turn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but ~~he is magically unaffected by poison~~ they get the dose wrong and he doesn’t die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn’t die, so they tell him to look at a crucifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn’t looking, and he doesn’t die, but they think he’s dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he’s gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn’t die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the forehead, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn’t go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this…. he died…. of hypothermia.

additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however after the tsar was overthrown a few month later they exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock.

Rasputin was an old god from times before humans

He is like a cleric gone wild

Calling Rasputin a cleric is bard erasure, the dude seduced a monarch and then proceeded to pull off like 5 Nat 20’s in a row. That’s the most true to life bardic thing I’ve ever heard.

madamehearthwitch: kamikaze-kumquat: kiwianaroha: “So what can we learn from this study? On the...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 21:32:43 -0400

madamehearthwitch:

kamikaze-kumquat:

kiwianaroha:

“So what can we learn from this study? On the data side, we see that everything is proceeding as planned. Nobody’s paying $50 for a burger at McDonald’s, or $16 for a can of tuna at Safeway. Employers wish their profits were higher, and workers are glad they got a raise, but they wish they made more money. Three years after Seattle started down the road to $15, everything is as it should be. Those apocalyptic claims of destruction and business closures haven’t been proven true. One thing the study didn’t explain was why the sky didn’t fall as promised. Why weren’t workers laid off in droves, or replaced with robots? Why didn’t prices skyrocket? Why does Seattle have more restaurants now than at any point in its history? It’s because those workers who saw a raise now have more money to spend in the city around them. Those restaurant workers are eating in more restaurants. They’re buying more groceries. They’re buying more clothes and cars. That increased consumer demand is creating jobs, and more than paying for the increased minimum wage. The $15 minimum wage established a positive feedback loop that created growth in Seattle by including more people in the economy. In other words, it worked exactly as intended.”

— Seattle’s $15 Minimum Wage Experiment Is a Success
(via allthecanadianpolitics)

I’m gonna leave this right here.

When you give consumers money, they spend it. When you give old, rich, white men money, they hoard it.

rolodextra: goorduard: rolodextra: snorlaxs name in french is RONFLEX and if you don’t think that’s...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 21:30:58 -0400

rolodextra:

goorduard:

rolodextra:

snorlaxs name in french is RONFLEX and if you don’t think that’s the second greatest thing you’ve ever fucking heard get the fuck out of my house

then what’s the first greatest thing

HIS GERMAN NAME IS

stupidente: windows-98: windows-98: a lot of people these days are afraid to show fruit and...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 13:20:55 -0400

stupidente:

windows-98:

windows-98:

a lot of people these days are afraid to show fruit and vegetables being thrown through a cascade of water and that’s fucked up

there is NOTHING shameful about this

that’s how they flavor la croix

Photo

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 13:20:51 -0400

the-money-dog: Your D&D class based off of your Hogwarts house Ravenclaw: Wizard Gryffindor:...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 06:03:34 -0400

the-money-dog:

Your D&D class based off of your Hogwarts house

Ravenclaw: Wizard

Gryffindor: Wizard

Hufflepuff: Wizard

Slytherin: Wizard

skramzpapi: antikuudere: jokes over all you fuckers “In an...

Sat, 23 Jun 2018 15:29:29 -0400

skramzpapi:

antikuudere:

jokes over all you fuckers

“In an incredibly disheartening study”

unadulteratedpiratepizza: bewbin: 5eonsol: bewbin: *refuses to move to the big city to reduce...

Fri, 22 Jun 2018 19:50:45 -0400

unadulteratedpiratepizza:

bewbin:

5eonsol:

bewbin:

*refuses to move to the big city to reduce risk of parallel parking*

Just take the train 😊

how the heck am i gonna parallel park a train?

cutiepie-yoosung: one-time-i-dreamt: I was lost in an abandoned Walmart, trying to find my mom and...

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 17:06:33 -0400

cutiepie-yoosung:

one-time-i-dreamt:

I was lost in an abandoned Walmart, trying to find my mom and I ran into Griffin McElroy. Tears were streaming down my face and I remember he was trying to calm me down as I was hysterical then I was just… suddenly calm. I stopped crying, my panicked state completely dissipated and i felt strangely at peace. With a smile I can only describe as sinister, he took my hand in his and looked deep into my eyes. In a gentle voice he said, “don’t look for her” and I just stared back and asked “who?”

With a grin, he snapped his fingers and I woke up in a cold sweat

I really need to start reading these fucking urls

Video

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 16:28:50 -0400

garfieldexplained: garfieldexplained:Photos from the Birthday...

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 13:35:12 -0400

garfieldexplained:

garfieldexplained:
Photos from the Birthday Party.

Flashback to the 1 Year anniversary of the time I held a birthday party for a Cartoon feline in my room for 12 notes on Tumblr. I spent like $12 getting the cake and candles from my job, I wrote on it myself, I snuck it all into my room past my grandparents. I couldn’t find anything to light the candles with so I had to use kitchen matches.
My grandfather walked in on me halfway through, and I got front row seats to watch the disappointment wash over his face. Staring into his eyes, I could see firsthand the notion of him ever having a great grandchild in his lifetime dissipate like fine dust as he defeatedly asked for a slice of cake afterwards. I finished the photos and posted them thinking all of this effort and awkwardness will be worth it when a bunch of people see the post and laugh at how far I went for a gag. It got a single note within the first few days. As you can probably see by the tags, I was a little bit salty about it.
Honestly I love this story and I think it very much sums up creating content. This post that i went through so much trouble and turmoil making got almost no exposure, yet a still from The Garfield Show that I posted a week later and took maybe 4 minutes to screenshot and post it is currently over 85,000 notes. That’s just how it is sometimes. I definitely don’t regret making this though, Its a pretty funny story to tell people, which is why i’m sharing it with all of you today. So Happy Birthday Garfield. I love you, but I’m not getting you a cake this year, and this is why.

wamscoastsmoker: httpwtnv: wamscoastsmoker: socialphobix: wams...

Sun, 17 Jun 2018 18:27:03 -0400

wamscoastsmoker:

httpwtnv:

wamscoastsmoker:

socialphobix:

wamscoastsmoker:

IT’S HALLOWEEN TIME TO GET SPOOKY

I T S T H E M I D D L E O F J U N E

I T I S H A L L O W E E N T I M E T O G E T S P O O K Y

ok who the fuck got this on my dash it’s still june

get spooky

hearthawk:immediately barges through the door

Sun, 17 Jun 2018 15:21:18 -0400

hearthawk:

*immediately barges through the door*

new emoji purrposal

Fri, 15 Jun 2018 21:14:10 -0400

joybare:

cowboy kittens

Video

Thu, 14 Jun 2018 14:03:29 -0400

daily-garfield: 09/16/78

Thu, 14 Jun 2018 14:03:01 -0400

daily-garfield:

09/16/78

Reed Richards is an Ass-hole

rupaulsdragracefuckedupdrag: rupaulsdragracefuckedupdrag: I’m so despacito I’m literally going on...

peyday5000: Hellye

prepsasuke: prepsasuke: wild how the greatest story ever told was written by a woman i am, of...

tom-hiddlebum: the japanese dub of ragnarok is one of my...

unnatural-twenty: mad-duck: watercolor-gryphon: tyrannosaurus-rex: the-itchy-bitchy-spider: rolli...

madamehearthwitch: kamikaze-kumquat: kiwianaroha: “So what can we learn from this study? On the...

rolodextra: goorduard: rolodextra: snorlaxs name in french is RONFLEX and if you don’t think that’s...

stupidente: windows-98: windows-98: a lot of people these days are afraid to show fruit and...

Photo

the-money-dog: Your D&D class based off of your Hogwarts house Ravenclaw: Wizard Gryffindor:...

Your D&D class based off of your Hogwarts house

skramzpapi: antikuudere: jokes over all you fuckers “In an...

unadulteratedpiratepizza: bewbin: 5eonsol: bewbin: *refuses to move to the big city to reduce...

cutiepie-yoosung: one-time-i-dreamt: I was lost in an abandoned Walmart, trying to find my mom and...

I really need to start reading these fucking urls

Video

garfieldexplained: garfieldexplained:Photos from the Birthday...

wamscoastsmoker: httpwtnv: wamscoastsmoker: socialphobix: wams...

hearthawk:*immediately barges through the door*

new emoji purrposal

Video

daily-garfield: 09/16/78

hearthawk:immediately barges through the door